A sick day in Evil Falls Maine

I find a strange since of paranoia when taking a sick day in a small town. It began with a trip to my Nurse Practitioner for my Depo shot. I had it planned out, I would take the back roads, no one would see me. But when I arrived at the office they had moved to the Main Road…Fuck. Drove past the office of course I drove by one of my staff and I can’t wait to hear the rumors. Arrived at my appointment the receptionist, her assistant, and the Nurse Practitioner all ask “how are you doing today?” I tell all three that I’m “good”. I always say good. I AM NOT GOOD.

Following the appointment I go to the grocery store. Here is where the paranoia really sets in. Sick people do not go shopping on their sick day ever. It begs rumors. I go in to buy juice and dinner supplies as despite being sick I’m still responsible for a weekly dinner. I hope that if anyone sees me they will see my immunity defense juice and leave me alone, but I know sick people do not need to buy lasagna noodles.


After my nap I begin to make dinner. I receive a call from a member of the dinner party wondering if I had picked a dessert to make. Funny, we never had dessert before we were trying to lose weight. Why do we need it now? Yes, I made dessert. A staff person who shall remain nameless came to visit. She had to park in the back of the parking lot. She lets me know that another staff person drove by my apartment yesterday and reported that I was home at a weird time. Do I supervise a bunch of stalkers?!? Is it not creepy to drive by a persons home and make note of if their car is there? Is it not even stranger to think that other people would care what time I was at my apartment? Maybe my staff just has a crush on me.


I continue to make dinner. I forgot cheese. I have to go back to the store. Just one item I should be in and out. I get in. I decide I should also get bagged salad. I grab the bagged salad and take the back aisle to the cheese. Before I make it…someone I work with. I tried to duck down the bread aisle. Too Late! “Liz, How are you doing? You’ve been out of work a couple days.” Now I will pause here to explain that this woman is possibly one of my least favorite people to work with. She has a 45 year old body, but I swear a 13 year old mentality. Last year she decided to buy the same backpack as me. Now this would be fine except my backpack was a $150 laptop backpack. She did not have a laptop. Then she came up to me with her new backpack and apologized for “being a copier”. I am so painfully serious. I tell her I plan to be at work tomorrow. Yes, due to being spotted in the grocery store, I would have to go to work tomorrow if I had the plague. Like I said sick people do not leave the house on a sick day. Seeing me at the grocery store on a sick day can be just as shocking as seeing me in a girls gone wild video.